no 10

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Welcome. Have you accidentally looked into the sun or bright light, and then looked away, the image burned into your eyelids? That’s an afterimage.

In the last installment of Afterimage, I shared about nature’s light drawings on the mountains around me, and what I do to give my nervous system a smoother ride. Here's what I saw, heard, and sensed that have stayed with me this past week. Let’s begin.

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Message from my Body: Digging in the Sensory Archives

Full-body Flashback

Tuesday morning in Hokkaido, Japan. I'm on the floor of my living room in savasana. A soft breeze caresses my cheek, and in an instant, a flood of sensations surge through me.

The embrace of balmy air. The calm of slow walks. The smell of jasmine and incense. The freedom of speed on the scooter. Spaciousness of vast vistas, mountains and lush vegetation. Sated. Rested. Supported.

In a flash, I drop into a sense of deep rest, sinking into the floor. It’s distinct. My scalp tingles. Calm comes over me like honey, slow. Thick. Heavy. Everything decelerates. My eyes are closed. My ears take over and see in their place. My sense of ear-vision narrows as I drop into a still, silent, alert state of restfulness.

I've been in deep states of rest during meditation before, but it takes me more time and more vulnerability to access this depth. The slight breeze on my face and cycles of deep, slow breathing call my body back to Bali, in an instance awakening the sensations I experienced while living there. More specifically, they're sensations I recorded lying in savasana each morning at the end of my yoga practice. I can relive and drop straight into the expansive, nourishing, relaxing, soothing states I’d experienced then, as if filming a second take on a movie set. It's a whole-body and energetic version of a flashback, delivered to me by the breeze. Everything I experienced in Bali, I experienced this week, while I lay on the floor. The only difference being, I'm in my house in Hokkaido, some 6,300km north of Ubud, and two years on.

Positive Triggers

Our bodies are accustomed to this kind of transport, more often in the other direction. A comment a manager or a colleague, a partner or even a stranger make can throw us off or straight into fear or anger, completely unrelated to the present moment. A trigger.

The body records data subconsciously in any situation we perceive our safety to be threatened, so we can avert danger in the future. It takes more intention to capture information about experiences that give me joy, a sense of protection, love, deep rest, care, or that I matter or belong. When I'm able to capture positive triggers, it's the closest thing to bottling and carrying access to my most empowered states.

Coming out of savasana, I had a thought: if I can access this deep a relaxing state here in my home, maybe I don't have to go back to Bali to feel rested. Afterimage has given travel new meaning. It's become the gift that keeps giving in ways I'd never anticipated.

Writing this digital postcard over ten weeks continues to give me more clarity on what Afterimage is, and the different ways we can use it. This experience taught me that Afterimage is an information capture system, allowing us to intentionally archive sensory references for future use. Afterimage helps me build my Sensory Archives.

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Connecting to: Afterimage and Revisiting The Artists Way

I have a rule in my life here in the mountains: never let the gas go below half-tank.

I’m reading and writing through Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way for the second time, with some fellow writers. While Morning Pages is a well-known and loved writing practice from the book, one lesser-known practice is the Artist’s Date: a weekly assignment to connect to creativity and play. Unlike a conventional date, this is a solo affair. In a video introduction, Julia reminds us this is an activity for us to enjoy “...by yourself, no significant other, no babysitting your niece".

Self-care vs Self-indulgence

I’ve gone on half-day dates and one-hour dates. The Artist’s Date is a brilliant antidote for anyone whose self-care game is lacking.

I want to talk about self-care. We overuse and misuse the word. There’s a difference between self-care and self-indulgence. Self-care keeps my cup full. It’s permission to engage and invest in preventative care. Self-indulgence often masquerades under the guise of self-care. It’s a tightly held-together grown-up tantrum that happens in a vaccum of self-care. Self-indulgence appears when the tank is dangerously close to empty, and there’s a desperate need to barrel through. It’s a passive-aggressive reaction to running on empty, without taking responsibility. There is a way to discern between the two. One way is to listen. They have different mantras:

Self-care and Keeping my cup full says, with gratitude: “I get to…”

Self-indulgence and Entitlement says, with resentment: “I fucking deserve this, damnit.”

Entitlement and Resentment

Entitlement can feel deceptively attractive at times. It has energy. With Resentment as its fuel, it can bulldoze through difficult situations. Its downside, like bulldozers: it destroys indiscriminately as it moves forward. It will move forward without asking you about your time, your budget, or your boundaries.

Engaging in self-care and filling my cup keeps both Entitlement and Resentment at bay. As Entitlement’s sidekick, running on empty is Resentment's cue to shadow me everywhere I go. To detect it, you can listen for it, as well. It usually sounds like this: “I’m the only one in this family who…. I’m the only one in this team that….”

Both are solid indicators I’m driving right into Martyrtown.

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There can be a lot of distance between two exits. Don’t wait. Take the next exit. Go fill your tank.

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A question for you: What fills your tank? When will you go fill it up?

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In Conversation with You: Afterimage in Action

While editing this installment, I had a thought: would you be interested in receiving bite-sized exercises or wellness prompts in your inbox? Let me know what you're looking for, and I can include some in future installments of Afterimage. Thanks for being a part of this conversation every weekend!

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Your thoughts fuel mine.

Tell me what you're thinking about. Dreaming about. And what exactly you're doing about the thing you've been dreaming about.

Capture some images. Savor afterimages.

Have a great weekend.

Akiko

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Thanks for reading!

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