no 32

Have you accidentally looked into the sun or bright light and then looked away, the image burned into your eyelids? That’s an afterimage.

Here's what I saw, heard, or sensed that’s stayed with me in the past week. Let’s begin.

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Craving Thanksgiving and Ritual

Coming out of Covid, my daughter and I missed Thanksgiving with our chosen family in Tokyo. While we were disappointed, I was happy brain fog’s mostly gone and I have agency over my body again.

I craved the tart sweetness of cranberry sauce mixing with stuffing (I like it when my foods touch). But what I craved more than the food is gathering with people I loved. And then to have some quiet time the following day to reflect on the year and vision the year ahead.

Until my daughter was around nine or ten, I had a ritual for the Friday after Thankgiving: after lunch of sandwiches made from leftovers and a slice of pie, my daughter and I sat at the kitchen table. Music on. Candles or some fragrant branches on the table. My daughter then wrote Santa about her year, what gifts she’d like for Christmas, and what she’s looking forward to next year. I sat in front of a big sheet of paper, closing my eyes and taking a big breath in to prepare to vision the year ahead of me.

Offering a silent prayer of gratitude, I’d ask the Universe to help me connect with my vision for the year ahead: what did I want for myself?

I started with words. Whatever words would come to me. I’d make an agreement with myself to welcome all words, and not censor them.

Often, a word cloud would appear. After an hour at the table, I’d stand up to look at the page, just like I’d stand away from a drawing to see what’s happening on the paper. Sometimes I’d see big themes or a direction for the year emerge. Other years, I’d see certain desires I’d buried rise to the surface.

“Maman, I’m done! Let me read you what I wrote to Santa!”

That was my cue to put my paper away until the New Year. I listened my daughter’s take on the year. And what she was excited about for Christmas and the year to come.

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Noticing, Giving Thanks
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While I couldn’t join in Thanksgiving festivities, I could still treat myself to a festive meal, reflect on this year, and offer myself the space to vision the year ahead. Planning my meal and post-meal reflection, I noticed I hadn’t explored something critical: my own accountability in making my visions become reality.

I hadn’t acknowledged or appreciated my own doing and commitment to create the life I’d made for the year that's ending.

When I sit down to vision this year, I'm adding a step: a gratitude practice, my trusted one. I’ve shared it before. It’s to ask myself:

What are three things (outside and external to me) that I’m grateful for, and three qualities about me (or any actions I’ve committed to) that I love, cherish, and want to acknowledge?

What if I imagined a room full of Akikos, from every age? Forty-nine Akikos in a room, one from every year of my life. Me as a baby, me at 5, me at 10, 15, 20, 45 and so on. How have each one of them helped me to become who I am today? If I were to offer them a word of thanks and a word of encouragement, what would they be?

The power of self-appreciation is underestimated. I’ve worked hard all year. It’s time to give myself a little recognition. How about you?

A Question for You: What parts of you and you at which age would you like to acknowledge and thank before you move ahead into the year to come?

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