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No 59

Being present is the unique gift of being alive. This newsletter explores small ways to cultivate more presence.

Whenever an experience stands out, my body makes a mental note of it. If I’m reminded of the event sometime later, I replay the scene and observe it. I listen to what my body sensed then, what it feels now, and to the message from the gap in between.

I call this processing of a past event an Afterimage.

In the last installment of Afterimage, I shared on the power of questions. It got me to reflect more on the nature of a question and what it makes possible.

Here's an Afterimage from the past week, on the seductive nature of a question.

Welcome to installment 58.

Let’s begin.

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Who is the Fairest of Them All?

Who is the most elegant on a page? While I’d say: “The margins on a page!” I think most people would say, “It’s the question mark.”

I don’t disagree.

Pages and margins offer a backdrop for the curves and the dot of a question mark come alive, just like sheets do for undulating lines and points on a body. I think about my own body: at times soft, at times alert. And always looking to learn what is around me.

And what about the body of a question?

There’s a certain beauty about a question. Especially when it’s not self-seeking, a question communicates. It offers. It connects.

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The Levels of Questions

On the first level, questions seek: I want. Information, confirmation, affirmation.

When we let go of an agenda, questions create an opportunity to relate: I want to know what matters to you: what you think, feel, and believe.

Questions are a gesture of care: I want to know more about you than the signs you offer into the world. Will you share with me?

On another level, they scan to protect or give us an understanding of how to offer respect: I want and need to know what you need. What you are okay with. What you’re not okay with.

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Fueling to Climax, then Denouement

Think about it. Take the story arc of a relationship.

Having someone’s full attention and curiosity directed toward us feels buzzy. Questions are the conduit, an aphrodisiac: a potent one for the largest erogenous zone for many- between the ears. They fuel first and early dates. It conducts charge and creates flow between foreign bodies.

The slow death of a partner’s curiosity signals the beginning of the end. Less curiosity leads to fewer bids to connect. Less interest and fewer questions can run a river of desire down to a trickle, until there’s nothing left.

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Shall We Dance?

What if we saw questions not as a way to court a person, but rather, the person they are becoming: I want to know who you are today. I want to know what you need. What dreams do you have today that weren’t there yesterday?

A question, in its essence, is desire. Desire to know. Desire to connect. Desire to stand in the otherwise unknowable future.

A question is the first step in a dance. Start off with a good one and other steps will follow, late into the night long after the music stopped.

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Your Afterimage this week: What is a question you've been asked that's made you feel a way you'd never felt before? One that made you see yourself differently? Write it down somewhere this week. Notice what comes up for you, asking your body to share a message— write it down, along with what you've learned from this question.

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